A friend of mine – Edvard Lucius – wrote this ‘How to deal with rejection’ recently. As much as I can identify myself with his writing I am somewhat missing the solution. How the fuck you should deal with it, really? Here is my take on that:
You need to flush your ego down the toilet. Simple as that. Take a huge EGO SHIT.
I know, it is not easy, your ass is not ready yet – it has to be kicked and lubed. Especially, if you are all beautiful, successful, you fuck like a champ and everyone loves you. Wake the fuck up, you are not me. (sneeze) Oh, seems like I am still allergic even to my own bullshit. Good. My favorite allergy.
Anyways, solution is simple and final. Go train BJJ. Seriously. That’s it.
Now you might be wondering either what is BJJ or how is that supposed to help you change your attitude… Let me bring you a cup of wisdom. Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is a martial art. At first similar to many others. Take downs, submissions, locks and so on. The key difference is in the way trainings are composed. We are fighting each other – every training. Every time, full throttle, no fucking around unless you are injured. You fight till you die and then you fight a little bit more. I know, sounds like a nursery of sociopaths but it is not – you can trust me. (s… urprise)
So, let’s say you were training something before. Maybe you are in a pretty good shape. Maybe you are strong as hell. You feel quite confident that you will do well. Drop by anytime! This is what it will most likely look like:
Day 1 – 1st Training – Everyone fucks you up. From little kids to the instructor.
Day 2 – You cannot move, you don’t want to live, you start wondering why the fuck you even went there in a first place
Day 3 – 2nd Training – if by any chance, you managed to ingest sufficient amounts of ibuprofen without puking all around… the magic happens… NOOOOOT! – Everyone fucks you up. From little kids to the instructor.
Day 4 – Amount of pain is absurd; your body looks like after a car crash and your mobility is limited to basic sign language ‘water’ ‘food’ ‘kill-me-now’.
Day 180 – 6 months in. suddenly you stopped getting injured so easily. Occasionally you manage to submit somebody, your defense improved and you last longer (huh, sounds kinky). If by any chance, you are a self-reflective motherfucker like me, you realize that most of this time you were failing at getting anything done right and your ass has been handed over to you and served 5000 different ways that you started wondering if maybe writing a cook book would be a great idea. You kept going though. You swallowed your pride because somewhere on the way you discovered this universal truth that is being told all around you, but for some reason you never got it before. The only way to get better is to push yourself. You see… only people better than you will manage to help you with this and it will not always be comfortable but that is the way. You know it because right now you are pushing just right this guy that showed up first time at the training. (fuck it sounds gay…) You are pushing this super-hot chick just right, she is almost done but you don’t let her leave. You want to make sure that she felt your teachings and she will be back to the next one (aaaand I need a break, brb).
20 minutes later
Uhhu, much better.
Day X – Now comes the fun part. After a very individual amount of time you discover some new qualities in yourself. You become calmer – as at this point you are not scared of people. You know that any martial artist better than you would never attack you because they are calm as well. And… well… you can handle the rest. Not because you can trash joints and bones like a hydraulic press. It is your healthy self-confidence simply glowing all around you. This glow is enough to defuse any situation because as I mentioned… you are calm, you are safe with yourself and you are willing to share this safety with others.
You have been through a lot by now and you discovered also that anger is really short sighted. It might boost you for a moment but will never overpower smart and technical approach. Dedication and conviction is what makes you better not rage and lack of self-control.
You know that there is quite a long way still ahead of you and that there is SHIT TONS of people that are MUCH better at this than you are… and this is the moment where you realize that you are not there to prove something but you simply do it for yourself. Maybe you like it, maybe you like what it does to you, maybe it was in your bucket list – who gives the fuck – it is yours, keep it, protect it!
Congratulations. Now you are free. You can admit that you are wrong sometimes, that you were wrong before. You sincerely admire people better than you at something, you want to learn from them. You reach out for weaker souls and help them succeed… because… you become noble individual with really well established moral spine (SNEEEZE) Fuck, to be honest – you are just running out of training partners at this point.
Oh, I almost forgot. The rejection part. You welcome it! You remember that if you fail you will only get better next time! As you don’t really need to prove anything to anyone around – you simply don’t give a fuck – if it was not meant to be, that’s it. You laugh at yourself and instead of trying to put all the different fake masks to cover your flaws you are just being yourself, try again, try differently, try harder, try elsewhere, try, try, try, try. Get out of your comfort zone if you want to change something. You know… it is plain stupidity to do same things and expect different results. (AE)
Anyways. Everyone CAN BE TOLD what the Matrix is, but there is no fucking way that they will get it – they have to see it for themselves. You need to swim your own river of shit just like Andy did. (SR) You need to get your ass kicked. (E2) Go do BJJ, not because it is easy but because it is hard. (JFK) It will test you, (A) it will bring you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. (RB) But eventually you will feel the force flowing all around you. (SW) Aaaand I am done, just reinforcing my argument – you have heard it before and I can only show you the door, you have to be the one who is going to cross it. (M)
Go, get the fuck out, train BJJ. Shoosh… go away. (CP)
AE – Albert Einstein
SR – Shawshank Redemption
E2 – Expendables 2
JFK – Jesus Fucking Krist, you should know it.
A – Armageddon
RB – Rocky Balboa
SW – Star Wars
M – Matrix
CP – Caribbean Pirates
Oh, there is more… there is always much more. And too much is never enough. (GR)
GR (Gavin Rossdale – Adrenaline)